The Art of Inadequacy

Workaholics, overachievers, and narcissists have a least one commonality between each of them.  Not only do we wish to do and be it all, we sincerely believe we can and are.

I sit in on the Vital Christianity and Covenant classes at Horizons and thoroughly enjoy the conversations, learning, and new relationships that form.  Part of our time together is spent taking a Spiritual Gift inventory.  Although I had already taken it in the Spring VCC, I decided to give it a second try.  It blew my mind and heart.  Last spring I found myself breezing through the questions responding with 4s and 5s (which are high or highest) to most things.  Full of ego and confidence I said to myself of course you're good at most of these things.  You're a pastor, and good pastors are uncharacteristically good at most things...  But it was a little embarrassing later in the class filling in my gifts chart graph and mostly just coloring in a black box.  To a degree, because nothing stood out in contrast to the rest, it still looked like I really didn't have any heightened gifts.

So this time, I chose a new approach.  Honesty.  I forced myself to be realistic and put 1s or 0s by those activities that challenged or didn't fit me.  I was far more conservative with my 4s and 5s as well.  I was terrified as I went through the assessment.  What will people think if they know I'm not really gifted in that?  Shouldn't every pastor have a gift and a heart for that?...  It was also life-giving.  For the first time, I saw the difference between what God had given me in gifts and what God had not.  I caught a glimpse of how God very specifically had certain things in mind for my life--that I wasn't just some willy-nilly random mix of abilities for whatever.  Instead, I was given a unique mix of strengths and weaknesses that shape the entire character of my life and future.  It was a cool moment with God and His Spirit, where I could more clearly see into the depths of what He is doing in my life.

While I was once terrified of being anything less than everything, I'm starting to see the power of inadequacy.  A couple weeks ago I had the chance to be around some pastors leading congregations of 7-12,000 in attendance.  It was astonishing to see each of them pronounce their weaknesses and inadequacies and encourage us not to do it all, but continue to build teams of people who have gifts we don't.  It was brilliant.  God was bringing it all together.





So now, I simply need to live in to my inadequacies and love them.  They'll lead me into a better insight of who God is and give me a chance to see the strengths in others thrive.  Can't wait!


More to come!

Jason <><

Forgetting to Laugh

They say the heart is a muscle that only performs better the more its exercised.  Sarah reminds me often this is the case for nearly every muscle and many of our organs in our bodies.

Maybe it seems like a no-brainer (no pun intended) in the context of this conversation, but in reality, we often fall into a mode of thought that if we overuse something, it may eventually wear out.  While it is true we can overuse our bodies by flooding them with drastic changes in activity or overwhelming them with harmful substances or habits, it still remains true that if we don't use it, we risk loosing it.

I was reminded of this in regard to smiles and the deeper presence of joy this last week.  If we don't find chances to laugh, to smile, to play on a regular basis, we risk atrophy of joy in our lives.  Not seeking and finding joy in our lives has the potential to kill our relationships, our ministries, and our faith in a living, life-giving God,

So just like the heart, we also need to exercise our smiles, our laughter, and our ability to appreciate and enjoy our lives and what we've been given as part of our faith lives and our connection to Jesus and His Spirit in the world.  A friend once told me in an effort to share his best wisdom with me "never take yourself too seriously."  It seems like petty advise, but it has the capacity to hold us accountable in significant ways in regard to laughing for life!


More to come!


Jason <><

Words Living When Embodied

David includes a meditation in one of his psalms asking for all that came from his mouth and heart to be sincere as he says, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord, my rock and my redeemer" (Psalm 19:14).

At Horizons we encourage each other to speak plainly, be authentic, and don't try to be someone you're not.  Don't put on a show, and simply do what God is leading you to do--nothing more, nothing less.

But sometimes it's not that easy.  Sometimes we're challenged to let our words, our actions, and our singing voices be more a reflection of the future than of the present.  If we only allowed ourselves to be where we already are, we won't grow.  C.S. Lewis coined this notion in the phrase "fake it 'til you make it" (Mere Christianity), emphasizing the placement of our hearts in the future of our faith and belief we desire until Jesus completes this as reality within us.

Within this then, we see a contradiction of our Christian lives.  How much do we live authentically and how much do we live ideally?  Both have value and merit.

But this weekend as Sarah and I witnessed the joining of Chris and Lenore Berger in marriage on the grassy lawn of Country Bible Church in Bennett, I watched as words and actions, futures and realities all lined up for a moment.  At least for a moment there was holy resolution.

As Chris and Lenore signified their new unity by pouring sands into a single jar, Jamie Brown, friend to the couple and Horizons' lead worship pastor, let out words from Gungor (the band) about how Jesus makes things new, makes beautiful things out of us, out of dust.

In that span of time I saw a man with his own life, his own pain, his own past embodying the words of truth we each desire to be true in our own lives as he breathed out words for us to hear.  Those words became true because his life is true.  And not only that, but he sang those words to a couple who in the midst of their most beautiful moment of being made into something new recognized that they too came from dust and broken things.  They too were living into a truth because they were embodying it.

Ultimately, we're not always in control of when we can embody the truths we seek to live into.  But we can at least be honest about what we hope to see Jesus do in our lives and look for the moments when what He is doing lines up perfectly with what we are hoping.  They are sweet moments!


More to come!

Jason <><

THIS Church Does!

We are currently in our fall campaign for next year's ministries and life-change work.  I'm sure we often sound like broken records as we proclaim how the Horizons ministries are changing lives and making a difference in the world.  Yep... heard it before.

Sure, it's easy to say.

Ultimately, the ministry at Horizons will ALWAYS be about leading the world to Jesus and our crazy cool God.  Our top story will always be about how good God is.

But, in our efforts to do so, God gives us plenty of reasons to know and say He is good with proof and truth.  God is not only good, but God also continually shows us His goodness.

While it's often difficult to put into words and specific instances w
hen God is changing lives at Horizons, this last weekend has shown me just a couple glimpses.  They are worth sharing.

Sarah and I bought a new vehicle over the weekend to replace my former vehicle damaged from a collision with a deer.  The beauty is we bought it with CASH.  We've been saving ardently, and now we own the car.  We have no car payments, no increased burdens, no growing debt.  A year ago, we walked onto a lot and bought Sarah a brand new car for her school commute we'll be paying off for a while yet.  But thanks to the Financial Peace class at Horizons last February, we won't go through the same thing again.  Was our latest purchase new?  Not by any means.  But it's ours and we love it!

This last Sunday (10/05) a young family shared their struggle with a mental illness in their midst.  Mackenzie Agnew shared her pain, her struggles, and the foundations that brought her through her deepest, darkest hours.  Her references to scripture, her mentions of how her family and friends carried her through, and her insistence that God's power and mercy lifting her out of her bleak choices were what I would call "soul-blowing."  God's story and the work He does through Horizons gets very real very quickly when we realize that real lives are at stake.

That's it.  Two stories.  Yet, this is only one weekend, and these are only two among many stories and instances that I don't even know about yet.  

At the end of the day, I am very grateful to know that when I say this church exists to give glory to God and His work in the world that this church DOES see it in our very midst.   

More to come!

Jason ><>