I Loved Too Much!

I Loved Too Much!

Saturday (4/11) was Sarah's birthday.  This is a big year in her life:  school is nearly finished, her first career is already in line, and she's currently working around the clock, either at her last clinical or at the table preparing for her board examination to practice physical therapy legally in Nebraska.

Knowing the mountain of stress Sarah has on her shoulders right now, I planned ahead and intended to make this her best birthday yet.  I had been scheming for quite a while, and as soon as Sarah left to study Friday morning, I started on my plans:  prepare all the dishes for the big grill-out, make a cake, clean the patio, pick up the birthday bicycle, etc.

This is how I love Sarah and show it:  acts of service.  Anyone familiar with the 5 Love Languages will know what I'm talking about.  Sarah's love language, however, is NOT acts of service.  It's quite the opposite.

But as it turned out, Friday ended up being more a reminder of the "art" of love than the practice of it.  That afternoon was rolling around, the cake was done, I was struggling with making the frosting (because I have no idea how to soften butter without melting it), and I was currently lifting, awkwardly, Sarah's new used bike into the garage attic so she wouldn't see it.  That's when the phone rang.  It was Sarah.  With joy and elation in her voice, she announced she was coming home early!

My response should have matched her joy and elation.  It didn't.  My words flat-lined as I expressed how "happy" I was for her.  I threw in a couple grunts to hint I was on a ladder and in the middle of something important.  I essentially explained to Sarah her early arrival would significantly disrupt my plans for the day and that I wasn't as happy as I said I was.

This is not what a guy loving his wife should say to convey his love for her; and it's certainly not what any stressed-out wife about to celebrate her birthday wants to hear in response to her good news and offer to spend some unanticipated time together.

Ultimately, while I was busy breaking my back to lavish extravagant signs of love onto my wife for her birthday, I totally rejected my greatest opportunity to share love with her the way it meant the most to her.  Instead I stubbornly insisted her timing was getting in the way of my gift.

Love is trickier than we imagine sometimes.  It's a good practice for Sarah to learn to recognize my languages of love.  But it's also crucial we learn to speak not only our own languages, but the language of others.  If we don't, we run the risk of "exhibition love"--practiced merely out of pride and self-gratification rather than for the purpose of building others up.

Toward the end of the Saturday, when the party and the gifts subsided, Sarah and I had a chance to reflect.  I was sorry I didn't stop, share real joy, and spend more time with Sarah the day before.  Sarah apologized for not seeing more clearly my efforts to love her.  It was perhaps the best moment in the whole birthday extravaganza--the time we spent reflecting, laughing, and learning.


Here's to love--and how tricky it can be sometimes!


More to come!



Jason <><

The Water's Fine Enough!

We celebrated the resurrection this last Sunday in a beautiful and powerful way (4/05), and now it's the season of Easter until mid-May.

I love Easter Sunday, but often feel slightly anxious about the day.  As a religious leader, I get to hold out my hand, take a brave step, and invite others to come with me: "the water's fine, c'mon!"   A great deal of my leadership and invitation require I have a certain level of confidence, experience, and assurance.  Easter is certainly one of these moments when others are counting on a pretty high level of these three.

But the challenge is the faith and Lord many of us identify with are often just as mysterious, complex, and obscure as they are clear, comprehensible, and timely.  While there are countless records of instant revelations and life-change moments, our relationships and understanding of Christ's depth often take a lifetime of work and growth.  Additionally, this knowledge of the heart rarely lends itself to our timeline or personal conventions of control.

When I teach on Sundays, I often assure others I'm including myself in my observations and prescriptions.  It's also important others know anything I'm teaching I'm also working on personally.  I'm not perfect, nor am I completely there yet.

But that's what I love about this life, this faith pursuit, and this seeking after a Lord and Savior we cannot see with our eyes as we can see our friends and family.  It's less about what I know, am completely assured about, and have most of the answers about, and much more about what I desire, hope for, and am willing to devote myself to.  It's much less about hearing from someone else first the water is fine and much more about deciding the water will be fine enough to dive right into, even IF it's freezing, burning, shallow, deep, full of undetected obstacles, or hiding swift undercurrents.

Jesus doesn't tell us just to sit at home and wait for him to come greet us, pack all our clothes, book all our flights, print all our maps, and pay for all our meals.  Instead, Jesus is saying most of the time, "Hey, I want you to have this, but just as much, I want you to want this.  You take the first step!"

So when it comes to Easter, the resurrection, and Jesus' new life--I'm not completely there yet.  I have a lot to learn, experience, and let soak into my core still.  But, I want what we've been told about and see glimpses of all around us.  I'm desiring to get way out there beyond the buoys in my little blow-up floaty tube.  I'm anxious to experience the fullness of who Jesus is all about me, even in my deepest depths.

And so that's how I'll live my life.  I'm not waiting for Jesus to come get me.  I'm going to meet him somewhere in the middle of getting there!



Happy Easter!  More to come!

Jason <><

Stirring the Nest

I still remember it pretty clearly.  When my sister and I were young, my dad's insurance business was in an office building surrounded by a field.  One Saturday in the summer my dad was working on some projects at the office, and my sister and I were in tote.  With nothing better to do, we ventured out the back door into the uncultivated field to see what we might find.

Eventually, we came upon a large ant pile teaming with busy red ants.  As we neared the pile, my older, protective, and in my opinion rather bossy sister warned me not to mess with the pile.  They'll bite you, and it hurts really badly!

That was enough for me to jump right in.  No they won't... No it doesn't...  You just have to be tough... Watch!...  I professed as I danced over to and on top of the large pile.  For whatever reason, on that hot summer day, I was wearing jeans.  Not a good choice for ant-dancing.  At first I was fine, and my professions of belief were holding true.  But soon the pricks and fire came.  My exclamations of defiance and boyhood strength were thrown into a flash-fry of screaming, patting my legs rapidly, and dancing for a different reason.  I thought I was dying.

I can't remember much after that, but I'm pretty sure I felt pretty foolish in the bathroom when my dad began wiping cool water all over my legs, asking me why I thought it was a good idea to dance in an ant pile, especially when my sister had said not to.

We all would think I had learned a lesson that day.  In some ways I have.  I'm now terrified of ants, bees, spiders, mice, squirrels, etc.  But in other regards, the lesson is yet living into its full being.

Nearly every Sunday as I approach the stage to teach and wrestle with many of Jesus' tough lessons on life and faith, I make sure everyone knows I don't and won't teach about anything I don't also need to work on or hear.  I want everyone to be clear we're all wrestling with the same things and all have something to learn from the message.  That's the truth.

But here's where the ant-pile lesson comes into play today:  yesterday (3/29), I taught on Jesus' example of humility as he rode in his own parade on a colt.  He knew he was great, but it was for his humility, not his self-proclaimed fame.  I challenged each of us to consider how we go about being great and take up the task to build up others for the rest of the day rather than ourselves.  It's a hard lesson.

Almost immediately after second service, I can recall my first fail at humility as I bragged about my training routine to some young guys.  And as the day progressed, I continually broke the challenge by touting other accomplishments and self-acclamations.  It was finally during our HOME group time when another member called me out specifically and said it didn't seem like I was really living into my own lesson very well.  It was one of those spiritual and emotional wind-out-of-my-sails moments, when my breath left me.  Not to be too dramatic, but in some ways I felt like Peter after the third time he denied knowing Jesus.  

Then I told my HOME group this as we proceeded to work through our study on marriage:  "One thing I see over and over again is that whenever I start teaching and focusing on a particular sin or lesson, the more it seems Satan is apt to attack me in those very areas.  Be on guard..."

It's true.  Often we think we'll be protected just by subjecting ourselves to a truth.  But the truth is, Satan doesn't want us to learn, grow, or resist, and often finds very crafty ways to sneak right in the middle of it and reroute us while we believe we're still making great progress.

So the lesson is, whether we're working on humility, patience, resisting temptation, forgiveness, to be aware that it's a little bit like dancing onto an ant pile.  Stirring the nest must be done with great care.  We may succeed at eradicating the sin or pest, only when we keep on guard, immerse ourselves in prayer, do it over time, listen to others, and resist arrogance.  Only then do we stand a chance against the ants!



More to come!


Jason <><

Diving Right In

We saw a ton of runners this weekend.  It was awesome!  I love the energy and activity that the Lincoln Marathon and spring stir up.  Sarah says physical therapists also love this season.  New client relationships are established daily by patients concerned about pains from running.  Many of us don't run all winter and suddenly realize the half or full marathon is only a rough month and a half away.  Time to hit the road in a serious way!  And so we come in limping because something didn't go quite right.


Attempting to go from 0 to 60 is always exhilarating.  It's adventurous, risky, thrilling, and often impressive.  It also helps us feel unstoppable, unbeatable, and to one degree or another, immortal.

I kept pretty quiet this weekend as we pondered the nature of these runners who may have unrealistic or dangerous expectations about what their bodies can withstand.  But my silence was multi-sourced.  One, I wanted to be running each time we saw runners, and my mind was taking me to trails I hoped to get onto soon.  Two, while I agree it's not wise to go 0-60 in only a week or two, I MAY also be just as guilty of the act.  Three, my mind might have also been preoccupied by the faint, jabbing pain in my foot I am currently working through as part of my own diving-all-in approach.  Joke and lesson both on me!

Yet, this is what we do in life.  We dive all in and expect only the best results and resolutions.  We want to look thinner within three days of our crash diet.  We want to drop two minutes off our pace by the end of the first week.  We want to get all our spring landscaping projects finished in one tedious 16 hour stretch.  We want our rocky relationships to be completely realigned and happy again after one rigorous two hour session with a counselor.  We want our children to behave like angels again after one intense scolding and week without technology.

And just like we pour into the clinics daily with injuries and reports of pain from our instant running, we end up standing in long lines of wreckage, reeling from disappointment, discouragement, and loss of hope when things didn't go as planned in other areas.  Often we only find we are in more pain than we were in before we tried instantly to resolve our initial pains.

Ultimately, we're reminded of time's lesson.  Everything we want to accomplish and do well requires it--and often in large quantities.  A prayer in the Psalms often attributed to Moses exclaims, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (90:12).  It's not that we are to count our days as if counting down to summer break.  Instead, we number our days in understanding of God's work and timing--for the sake of wisdom.  It's then we realize the beauty of time and our willingness to persevere.


More to come!

Jason <><

Dreaming About Flying

Just last Friday (03/13) a friend asked if I'd be interested in joining him and his boys on an overnight camping trip.  Interested?  Ecstatic!  Hurriedly I packed my bags, gear, and food.  I'm going camping!!

We had hot dogs, a huge fire, plenty of stars, and several stories from the Bible to tell that sound awfully like ghost stories under the right circumstances.  What a blast!  

I know when I've reached a momentary point of peace in my life when my dreams reflect it.  That night, as I lay grounded on a dense mat of muddy grass, I dreamt about flying.  It's one of my favorite dreams.  The feelings and sensations of flying in my dreams are not only brilliant, but also familiar.  I usually wake up half convinced I really can fly in real life.

Just yesterday in worship, I saw someone else flying in his dreams as well.  Brandon Peters, a young man in our church, has been dreaming about singing a song telling how Jesus makes us flawless.  I believe for Brandon this song reaches deeper and speaks far more truthfully than most of us can comprehend.  

When it came his time after the message, Brandon was helped on stage and sat, poised, ready to deliver, proclaim, exclaim, and fly!  And that's what he did.  Flawless with Brandon Peters After the service, many of us came up to Brandon and asked how he felt.  Amazing.  Someone suggested it might have even felt powerful.  Yes, that's exactly it!  

When it comes to flying in real life, I think we actually do.  Colossians 2:10 (NIV) tells us in Christ we have been brought to fullness.  This fullness is the feeling I get when I dream about flying.  This fullness is the feeling I get in those moments of peace and blessing.  Brandon may call it flawless, amazing, or powerful, but there was no doubt he was flying as well yesterday and that the fullness of Christ was and is certainly in him!

And so we fly, and so we are filled, and so, with Christ, we live in his power and in his amazing grace.  Praise God!  Take flight!

More to come!

Jason <><

Looking for a Sign

I think we're daily looking for signs in our lives--every time we wake up, before we go to bed, as we show up to work and scan the faces of our friends, co-workers, as we read or listen to the news, and as we face our challenges and uncertainties.  What does this mean?  How is this going to play out?  Am I going to be okay?  Why am I so blessed?

Our lives don't even need to be in turmoil for us to search for signs.  We simply do as a natural part of interpreting what's going on around us, where we're headed, and what God is doing in our lives.

This morning as Sarah headed down the driveway to meet her future employer and sign papers for what we thought was going to be part-time work that turned into a FULL-TIME offer!, I watched her leave and simultaneously saw some signs I didn't know I was looking for!

There in my yard, as the picture shows, were a half-dozen yard signs and some toilet-paper icing decorating our front.

While I refuse to jump to conclusions as to who my yard curators may have been, I'm going to assume this was the work of friends at church.  And, although I could make a short list of which groups may be responsible, I'm instead just going to enjoy my signs.





Thus, these are some of the signs I'm seeing this morning:

• My front yard is a sign of the relationships I have at my church.  We love each other enough not to have stale formalities be the norm of our interactions--regardless of age.
• Sarah's offer for full-time employment is a sign of God's grace.  We're no better than anyone else and deserve no better than anyone else.  Yet, God chose to bless us.
• The time it took me to paint my own sign (see below) is a sign to me there are more important things than schedules, and there will ALWAYS be opportunities to respond with the joy Jesus has put deeply in my heart.
• The rising sun and the promise of beautiful weather today is a sign of a new day, a new week, and a new season.

Many of the Jewish people watching Jesus teach, heal, and confront authority cautiously demanded he give them a sign he was truly the Son of God.  I too wish Jesus might have said, "Oh yeah!  I almost forgot.  Here you go.  Sorry for keeping you waiting," and immediately after do something miraculous before them no person or prophet could do.

...or wait.  Jesus may have told them in that moment the only sign they'd see was the same sign Jonah brought to the Ninevites warning them of their doom if they didn't repent, but the truth was Jesus was already busting out signs left and right--doing and teaching all sorts of things no one else could do.  

The problem was, few were willing to see those signs and accept them as glorious gifts of hope and affirmation.  Instead, most watched Jesus' signs and wonders and subsequently called him Satan, tried to stone him, or chased him out of town.

So today, take a deeper look.  What signs are before you?  What promises are they affirming?  

More to come!

Jason <><

Homecoming!! (Just in time)

This weekend was a big weekend for Sarah and me.  Our Weekend to Remember marriage retreat was before us and Sarah was driving home from her Clinical in Kearney for the LAST TIME!

Not only were we going to have a weekend together to fill our cups and remember how to be good to each other in this marriage, we were also celebrating the accomplishment of making it through 8 weeks of separation.

The retreat was well spent.  Because of a gift to us, we were able to stay in a jacuzzi suite, spend time catching up, and learning/remembering Biblical truths about marriage, unity, and oneness with God and each other.

Some might say it's a little excessive going to Weekend to Remember year after year, especially since we've only been married less than three years.  But the truth is, so far this year I've married one couple at Horizons.  Yet, two Horizons families have already shared with me their plans to divorce.  That's 2:1 not in God's favor.  And in both cases, neither couple had sought the help of a pastor or the support of a marriage retreat.  No one knew they were having any troubles.

Weekend to Remember certainly gives us tons of tools for life-long care of our marriage.  Yet, marriages are like leaky vases.  No matter how good our tools, if we don't refill the vase, it inevitability runs dry.

Our weekend ended up being very blessed, but it honestly was just in time.  Over the course of eight weeks apart, Sarah and I began to see the affect of our distance.  It was easy for us to be totally engaged in our lives where we were--whether it was Grey's Anatomy, church activities, or friends closer in proximity--yet struggle to find time to call or find energy to stay awake for the conversation. After a while, feeling like we were both second to each other's higher priorities left us both feeling a little hurt.

It's that easy.  If we don't address that hurt (albeit minor in this case) in our relationship, it has a way of festering and multiplying.  The next thing we know, there's something bigger haunting us.

So I thank God for the gifts of His Word, his instruction, and the opportunities to learn, grow, heal, and love!


More to come!

Jason <><