At the end of our marriage retreat, Sarah and I were both asked to rate separately the quality and strength of our marriage, giving a number value to "before" the retreat, and "after." We found that even that little exercise gave us a chance for some revolutionary conversation--more which we'd been having ALL weekend.
The marriage retreat was the Family Life "Weekend to Remember (click for info)," which we have been sponsoring in conjunction with the Art of Marriage class at Horizons this spring. Sarah and I selected the Omaha retreat and took this last weekend off to focus on each other. It was fun, it was powerful, and it was challenging. Ultimately, we're very glad we went!
At the end, we were each asked to fill out an evaluation and share our feedback. It was on that sheet of paper that we were also asked to rate our before and after marriage status. I had to respond to a phone call and missed what Sarah put on her review. When I came in, the speakers had moved on to their final points, and Sarah had begun to take notes on the presentation again. I got busy catching up and quickly filled out my review. Little did I know that Sarah wasn't just peering over at me while I filled in my responses to make sure I hurried through the feedback and didn't miss too much of the last material. She was actually heavily invested in the numbers I'd put regarding our marriage.
I wasn't there when Sarah marked her 10 and 10. And Sarah, having missed my initial marking, finally whispered, "what did you put for your numbers?!" "7 and 8" I said. Personally, I thought those were honest AND really great numbers! Wow! We're only 2 away from perfect! For Sarah though, both of those numbers were a death sentence. Really?? she said.
Luckily, it didn't take too long for me to realize that my numbers had turned Sarah's face a slightly brighter pink. The difference between our ratings really affected her. After some careful thought, I leaned over and assured her, I know we're great already, but I just don't want to think we're done growing and miss out on how much more beautiful God can make our marriage!
Those words cleared up everything. Sarah and I have been married nearly 9 months now. It's been challenging and great! But even at this retreat, we learned a ton. We haven't been doing too much wrong so far, but we learned about things that we simply just hadn't been doing yet. Things that will really help for our future. Things that will take us far beyond even any 10 that we can imagine.
I was glad for Sarah's 10s, because she is the one who holds so much of our passion and energy. And after a short moment, Sarah came to like my 7/8, because I hold so much of our realistic, practical energy. One without the other could destroy a marriage, and so we learned once again, that only when truly together in our marriage will we be something that honors God!
So ultimately, I thank God for the 10 we have now. But I also give thanks for our 8, because it gives us much room to grow--room for even greater gulps of God's perfecting love to enter into our relationship and lives! Praise God!
More to come!
Jason <><
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