What I Blurt Sometimes (My Poor Wife)

Sarah and I were visiting about all of the exciting marriage classes and weekend retreat opportunities that are happening at Horizons, and I said something along the lines of what I suppose every spouse hopes they'll never have to hear.  I'll never forget Sarah's astonished, confused look on her face.

Of course, you have to know me pretty well.  Sarah does.  I enjoy saying things that stop us in our tracks, that cause us to be challenged for a moment.  They're things that aren't offensive in nature, but have the potential to offend others because of what they disrupt.  They are things that are true, but seem startling based on the perspective from which they come, or based on how they are said.

Although some may see me as being merely sensational or confrontational, I truly believe we need to be reminded and refreshed in our ways of thinking and in what we have come to know as unquestionable truth.  If not, we either get relaxed in our growth, or get so deep into a line of thought that we can no longer see any other perspectives.

So what did I say to Sarah that brought about this blog?  Something like this:

"You know Sarah, what I really think we need to own up to in our own marriage is the idea that we are constantly at risk of utter failure and falling apart, every moment we're together.  That way we know that even before there's trouble, we need to be putting in the necessary time and work to save our marriage."

As you can imagine for any spouse who is 7 months into his/her marriage, hearing something like this rarely puts a spark of adoration or flattery in someone's eyes.  What I said doesn't speak of the positive energy and magic that that typically flow through the conversations of newlyweds at all!

Sarah, in her quickness, rapidly recovered and clarified, sternly, about just exactly what I was saying.  "Are you saying you really think we're doing that poorly?" she asked.

No, no, I assured her.  What I was saying (and probably should have said from the beginning) was that marriage takes a lot of work, and we should always put the heavy work in now, before things get rough, so that when or if they do, we'll have a good foundation.

But this is where we come to the all-crucial crossroad.  Should I really have put it any other way than I did?  How easy would it have been for Sarah to hear my advise phrased the second time, accepted it, and moved on in our conversation?  Instead, out of my mouth blurted an excellent combination of poorly chosen words that led us into a beautiful conversation about our current relationship and how God is leading us to take care of it.

What's so bad about that? :-)  Clearly I have much to learn about marriage, but we can all be sure that Sarah and I will be doing the heavy, messy, and oftentimes absolutely quirky, fun, and entertaining work of the heart in our marriage.  Here's to that!

For more information on Horizons' Art of Marriage class and the Weekend to Remember follow the hyperlinks on each title, and see Horizons' website for times, and more details.


More to come!!

Jason <><

If I Were Wiser

Much of our lives is spent wishing we could do things the right way and working toward getting things right.  We want to find balance, we want to handle crisis well, we want to approach our faith in the right way, we want to have healthy work habits so we don't get overworked.  We want to be better contributors in our families and marriages, and we want to find ways to make and save money better so we don't have to worry as much.  We want to be better friends, find better friends, and develop healthier dieting and exercising practices.  

I can think of yet many other things I'd like to do better.  Of course simply doing things better isn't that easy. If it is, I just must be very distracted.  Clearly, it takes wisdom to arrive at healthier balances, better practices, and smarter habits.  Wisdom is the patient practice of hindsight, insight, foresight, awareness, discernment  and love.

So, all we really need is more wisdom, and the rest will follow.  It sounds good to me.  But where does wisdom come from?  From failing, from listening, from observing, from learning from others, from processing, from praying, from laughing, from studying, from loving, and from having the wisdom to grow from each.  So where does this wisdom start?

Proverbs 2:1-6 says, "My son, accept my words and store up my commands. Turn your ear toward wisdom, and stretch your mind toward understanding.  Seek it like silver, search for it like hidden treasure.  Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God.  The Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding."

If I were wiser, I'd spend even more time with God than I already do.


More to come!


Jason <><

All Dried Up?

I like to call it the "Dry Season of the Soul."  The spiritual high has reached a low.  The God connection is disconnected.  Our nearness to the Holy Spirit is farther away than the eye can see.  We began to wonder where God has gone and why he's being so silent.

No one likes this season.  Most avoid acknowledging they're in the midst of it until it seems as though they may not get out.  It's embarrassing to admit to others, troubling to wonder what sins might be exposing us, and frustrating.

But comfort comes in knowing that we're not along in our dry seasons.  Although we used to look upon these seasons as the "dark" times in our lives, I'm encouraged to see we have another option.  Although this season can feel very dark, we know that God has not left.  In fact, it is during these seasons that we often grow the most--though we may not see it at the time.

What does the dry season mean?  Just like the body, when it is working on something (growth, infection, healing, digesting food, etc.), most of the body's resources and attention go to that situation or task.  I get cold and tired after eating.  It's because all the blood is in my stomach and other related areas.  Plants do this too.  Computers do this.  So do our souls.  We all need continued growth, healing, repair, periods of intense learning, impetuous to change, time to process, and chances to learn from new discoveries.  The dry season is most often the marker that are souls are doing just that, and many of our familiar feelings of joy and nearness to God are on hold while our spirits do bigger, deeper, more transforming things.

The truth is, in the seasons of the sun is when we are often growing the least.  Our spiritual highs and play-by-play connections with Jesus are the times when we see results of previous pain or work fitting into place in our hearts and lives.  Although they feel the best to us, no one should wish or attempt to stay in those moments forever.  We'll never grow.

So what do we do in the dry seasons of the soul?  Here are a couple things I do in my own seasons:

1. Increase or at least keep doing my spiritual practices:  scripture, prayer, fasting, tithing, serving, etc.
2. Find a book that shakes my current way of thinking or being.
3. Attend a conference, concert, or retreat (although sometimes this leaves me feeling more void)
4. Go on a pilgrimage
5. Put myself in uncomfortable or unusual situations (of service, socially, of routine, etc.)
6. Create a list of people to pray for and notify each of them that I am praying for them
7. Ask for others to pray for me
8. Slow down so my spirit can actually do its work
9. Embrace the season and quit worrying that I've fallen from grace.  God knows my life better than I do.  Who am I to say when I should be growing and resting?

Whatever season you're in, I always recommend #9.  Look upon each as sacred, meaningful, and ultimately positive.  

More to come!

Jason <><

7

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

An article that was sent to me recently shared that our religious environment continues to shift and that the "seekers" in the world are in quick decline (Where Have All the Seekers Gone?)  The basic premise is that while ten or more years ago it was common for many to be looking for the right church fit, theology, feel, mission, etc., today the number of those not in a church but looking to find some sort of fit or spiritual practice is shrinking.  In other words, the article is saying that those who aren't currently settled are no longer even hoping to be.  Generally speaking, the article argues that the world has drastically slowed it's propensity to seek and question.

I'm not so easily convinced that the cowboys (or seekers) have left the room. I find it hard to fathom that all of the world's hurts, confusion, reasons for suffering, and mysteries have been solved--that we now have all the answers.  I also find it hard to fathom that the world has grown less curious, less hungry for answers, reasons, and explanations.  In fact, I'm pretty certain that in a world that is now absolutely full of easily accessible information that the old adage holds even more truth:  the more we find out, the more we find out  we don't know.  The more we see, hear, witness, watch on youtube, and read on facebook, the more insecure we feel about why it's all happening.

So, if the world isn't done seeking and the cowboys are still roaming the plains, then how do we understand the continuing growth of our population that has no church or religious affinity and also has no desire to find one either?

I'm not a cultural analyst or anthropological scientist, but what I see is that there are more groups and people providing answers.  With access to youtube, facebook, twitter, etc., and the lowered costs and heightened ease of publishing works, it's easier than ever to express one's beliefs, to organize movements, and to share information.  There are other contributing factors as well, but these are significant.

In closing, I am confident that the seekers are still seeking; we're all still seeking.  We won't call ourselves that anymore, because that is so last decade.  But the bottom line is that those of us who find our faith in a mysterious God simply need to keep sharing about where we find our hope and our assurance.  Here's to today!

More to come!

Jason <><