What I Blurt Sometimes (My Poor Wife)

Sarah and I were visiting about all of the exciting marriage classes and weekend retreat opportunities that are happening at Horizons, and I said something along the lines of what I suppose every spouse hopes they'll never have to hear.  I'll never forget Sarah's astonished, confused look on her face.

Of course, you have to know me pretty well.  Sarah does.  I enjoy saying things that stop us in our tracks, that cause us to be challenged for a moment.  They're things that aren't offensive in nature, but have the potential to offend others because of what they disrupt.  They are things that are true, but seem startling based on the perspective from which they come, or based on how they are said.

Although some may see me as being merely sensational or confrontational, I truly believe we need to be reminded and refreshed in our ways of thinking and in what we have come to know as unquestionable truth.  If not, we either get relaxed in our growth, or get so deep into a line of thought that we can no longer see any other perspectives.

So what did I say to Sarah that brought about this blog?  Something like this:

"You know Sarah, what I really think we need to own up to in our own marriage is the idea that we are constantly at risk of utter failure and falling apart, every moment we're together.  That way we know that even before there's trouble, we need to be putting in the necessary time and work to save our marriage."

As you can imagine for any spouse who is 7 months into his/her marriage, hearing something like this rarely puts a spark of adoration or flattery in someone's eyes.  What I said doesn't speak of the positive energy and magic that that typically flow through the conversations of newlyweds at all!

Sarah, in her quickness, rapidly recovered and clarified, sternly, about just exactly what I was saying.  "Are you saying you really think we're doing that poorly?" she asked.

No, no, I assured her.  What I was saying (and probably should have said from the beginning) was that marriage takes a lot of work, and we should always put the heavy work in now, before things get rough, so that when or if they do, we'll have a good foundation.

But this is where we come to the all-crucial crossroad.  Should I really have put it any other way than I did?  How easy would it have been for Sarah to hear my advise phrased the second time, accepted it, and moved on in our conversation?  Instead, out of my mouth blurted an excellent combination of poorly chosen words that led us into a beautiful conversation about our current relationship and how God is leading us to take care of it.

What's so bad about that? :-)  Clearly I have much to learn about marriage, but we can all be sure that Sarah and I will be doing the heavy, messy, and oftentimes absolutely quirky, fun, and entertaining work of the heart in our marriage.  Here's to that!

For more information on Horizons' Art of Marriage class and the Weekend to Remember follow the hyperlinks on each title, and see Horizons' website for times, and more details.


More to come!!

Jason <><