Just about the same time we think we have it all put together and that things are going great is when it seems God chooses to impart some of our greatest periods of growth. Know what I'm talking about?
Lately, a theme in my conversations when talking with peers and friends has been "brokenness." Although it can be a little startling for others to hear about my cracks and crumbles, it's a good theme for life and isn't necessarily the same brokenness we have when completely falling apart. It's more of a brokenness that moves a person forward and takes him or her to a greater sense of wholeness.
To be clear, only Jesus causes this kind of brokenness. I love how the disciples experienced and struggled through their own periods of brokenness that brought them to greater wholeness. In Luke's gospel (17:14-20), Jesus returns from the mountain top to find a man asking Jesus to cast a demon from his son. The same man also reports that the disciples couldn't do it when they tried. Later, the disciples ask Jesus "why couldn't we do it??" Jesus tells them that their faith has not yet grown to that sort of maturity.
In the short scheme of things, this makes sense. I imagine it's a tricky and difficult road to travel that leads to equality with Jesus. I haven't met any who have actually made the entire journey. In many ways then, the disciples' question is a no-brainer. You failed, dear disciples, because you're not Jesus. And that's okay.
BUT, here's where we begin to see the greater picture. We have to remember that this failure to cast out a demon occurs after the disciples are sent out 2 by 2 into the surrounding towns to heal, cast out demons, and tell people about the good news. This failure event happens after the disciples come back from their journeys reporting all sorts of successes. In this regard then, it makes complete sense that the disciples are wondering why they were not able to perform yet one more simple exorcism.
This is where we see the brokenness that brings the disciples closer to wholeness. Even after several successes, Jesus chooses to break them from those successes and cause them to go even deeper into their faith. At a moment when the disciples should be pros at healings and exorcisms, they instead appear, once again, as complete novice beginners. What we trust though, is that in this return to what surely felt like the first days of following Jesus, the disciples indeed grew in their faith understanding. Jesus didn't want them to stay where they were. Jesus didn't want them to get stuck having only a moderate sense of faith. He knew they needed to go deeper if they were truly going to be the early leaders of the church. And the only way to get there was through the sort of brokenness that he could offer.
So I celebrate the brokenness of this period of life--suddenly feeling like I've begun at the first step of ministry once again, seeking God's direction for the kind of leader He wishes me to be for the future of His church. Of course I can't wait for the wholeness to commence, but we may never be able to measure the time it takes to grow in God's likeness.
More to come!
Jason <><
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