Ask Your Wife First!

Being a pastor assures that Sarah and I are always learning about our relationship and about each other.  Not only do we want to set a good, honest example for others, but as I counsel couples preparing for marriage I am continually reminded of what works, what doesn't, and how Sarah and I are called to live into the same things we're teaching.

But sometimes I forget.

This last Sunday (Nov 23rd) I pulled a classic move of talking about Sarah and our practices/challenges in regard to honesty, especially as it applied to physical appearances.  I presented the question, how do we honor honesty while still wanting to help each other feel good about our appearances, even when our outfits just aren't coming together?

There aren't any easy answers to that one.  Honesty sometimes causes hurt.

Open house treats and smiles, even after the message!

As Sarah and I reflected after the service and through out the day, we laughed at how it all came out in the service.  Sarah and I agreed my sharing about our challenges was a great way to open the teaching about how love tells the truth.  But I can still recall the look on her face yesterday as she sat captive in the front row listening to my story unfold.  I realized as I was telling our story, "oh no!  I never told Sarah I was going to share this."

It turned out alright, and contrary to most beliefs, I did not need to sleep either on the couch or in a tent in the backyard.  We actually love having the chance to share about our challenges if they'll help others relate.  In the end, Sarah wasn't upset about my sharing, and we both found some new insight into who we are and how we strive to care for each other,

BUT, we also concluded yesterday rather frankly, I MUST TELL HER FIRST, if I'm going to share.  I usually do, but I forgot this time...  Thank God for grace, trust, and love that doesn't expect perfection from each other.

More to come!


Jason <><

Cutting Corners

I do this thing.  I think most would agree it's completely unnecessary, but I struggle with making any changes.

A perfect example is taking out the trash.  With just two of us in our house, we produce about one 15 gallon bag of trash per week between all of our cans.  Our dumpster we put out on the curb has the capacity to hold about 20 of those 15 gallon bags.  From this, any rational person could conclude it is only necessary to take the smelliest, fullest trash out to the dumpster, and it is only necessary to take the dumpster to the curb when it's nearing capacity.

Yet I struggle to do it.  In my book, when Tuesday comes around for our trash service to come by, every trash can in every room, whether its had any traffic recently or not, must be checked and emptied.  And when the sweep is complete, regardless of the number of bags and the cavernous space remaining in the dumpster, it must go to the curb.  Most readers are probably agreeing, this is simply unnecessary.  But I've often found myself responding, "that's just how I roll..."

Lately, as Christmas and year-end activities and reports begin to accelerate or accumulate, time becomes far more valuable and "of the essence."  My stress increases and the intensity of my workload grows.  This year Sarah, in her gentle wisdom, has been running a quiet campaign to address and release some of the intensity by promoting a corner cutting practice.

Of course, with my spry wit and accompanying angst, I respond to her suggestions of the idea saying "so you mean you want me to cheat God from getting my best."  If I were a little more head-strong, I could pursue this line and win.  But when Sarah speaks like this, a greater wisdom says shut up and listen.  Winning that conversation would most likely lose the war.  Sarah's advise is keen, precise, and insightful.

I may not be very good at following the rules, but when it comes to doing it "right" and to the greatest detail, I rarely if ever cut corners.  Am I cheating God if I start now?  Not necessarily.  We first need to consider how much we are cheating God by refusing to let any detail out of our control and attention.  How many times is our diligence born out of fear, causing us to worry that if we skip any single part or even just one step, the whole effort will undoubtedly fail?  How many times do we pour so much attention into the little things 99% of the rest world won't notice because we've convinced ourselves they are the only things that matter?  How many times have we put God back on the shelf so we have more time and energy to get our projects done?

Too many times, too often.  My focus verse for this latest season has become Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight."  I've shared with with many already.  In those simple lines, there is a ton of wisdom telling me to stop manipulating all the details, start submitting all I am working on to our Lord.  Only then will I actually stop cheating God of my best.

In other words, cut some corners.  We'll be blessed to see God taking care of more of the details.


More to come!


Jason <><

Better Get to Playing!

A decorative addition to my office made while I was out one day.

Although it's not necessarily an everyday event at Horizons, I can proudly say a fair amount of "shenanigans" happen in the halls and offices and between staff.  It would be easy to say some of our staff are simply being "childish or obnoxious."  It would be easy to say the jokes, pranks, and laughter are off-task and counterproductive, perhaps even hurtful.  But it'd also be easy to say these things and in the same breath also kill the Spirit of a life-giving, life-sacrificing, out-of-the-box thinking team of life-changers.  No thanks.  We'll stick to playing.

The concept of being playful, even as adults in busy work environments, is not a new concept.  Yet, it has primarily been promoted as a goal for women wanting to "treat, pamper" or provide "extra gentle portions of self-care" to the soul.  To seek or need "play" is often seen as a week or wasteful approach.

But being playful is far more powerful than we make it and should never only be applied to one gender or only to a particular cross-section of our population.  The capacity to cultivate playfulness and engage it is ultimately the freedom we have in Christ to separate ourselves from the pressures, expectations, and doubtful outlooks.

Yet, it's easy to be serious instead.  It's easy to demand excellence and discourage distractions.  It's easy to focus more intently and push for greater concentration on goals and overcoming obstacles.  But the more we do this to an extreme, the less creative, innovative, courageous, and energized we become.  Edwin Friedman, in "Failure of Nerve (Seabury, 2007) suggests that without playfulness, it is difficult to distance ourselves from the things that are not truly us, that we easily become swept away by anxiety, and that we are reduced to operating reactively--like animals.

Paul talked about this quite a bit, encouraging us to no longer by like infants "tossed back and forth by the waves, blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming" (Ephesians 4:14).  We're also reminded not to be of the world and remember who we are and who we are not in 1 John 2:15.

So again today I invite each of us to find opportunities to be playful and cultivate playfulness--at work, in our relationships, families, and with strangers.  It'll do far more than simply make us feel silly.  It will separate us from who and what we are not and give us a chance to re-immerse ourselves in Christ, through whom we came, and through whom we live.

Here's to a good play!

More to come!

Jason <><

Passion More or Less?

One component of a dynamic, magnetic person is his or her passion for life.  In terms of faith, passion for life fully immersed in the grace and life of Jesus.  The energy that comes from a person's passion is enough to change any situation from gray to great.

But how do we recognize passion?  How do we cultivate it in our lives?

Often we end up equating passion with enthusiasm, heightened emotions, and flowery words of confidence, assurance, and commitment.

But Asaph, a lesser known contributor to the Psalms, brings about a different notion of passion as he writes:

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.  Who have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"
(Psalm 73:23-26).

While we still find words of assurance and commitment within this psalm, we can also see gentle shifts in how this passion is put together differently.

In today's world, if you're looking for someone with passion or hoping to find passion within yourself, look for:

• Commitment:  not just in a person's words, but in the duration of his or her endurance.  Time measures best our steadfast hearts.
• Humility:  not just in how a person puts others before him or herself, but also in how a person rarely makes an effort to be noticed, needs to be consoled, or seeks for reaffirmation regarding his or her choices and direction.   
• Joy:  not just in someone's energy at any moment, but also in his or her gentleness, ability to smile when no one's looking, and willingness to share with others for the simple sake of a blessing. 
• Compassion:  not just compassion that breaks his or her heart, but compassion that is willing to see to the depths of an issue and still know it is God who is being served and who has planted the seed for that particular passion.  

And so, here's to passion.  In some ways the bar is still set rather high, but in other ways, we've been released from superficial notions into the depths of passion that lives a long life.  

More to come!

Jason <><