I Loved Too Much!

I Loved Too Much!

Saturday (4/11) was Sarah's birthday.  This is a big year in her life:  school is nearly finished, her first career is already in line, and she's currently working around the clock, either at her last clinical or at the table preparing for her board examination to practice physical therapy legally in Nebraska.

Knowing the mountain of stress Sarah has on her shoulders right now, I planned ahead and intended to make this her best birthday yet.  I had been scheming for quite a while, and as soon as Sarah left to study Friday morning, I started on my plans:  prepare all the dishes for the big grill-out, make a cake, clean the patio, pick up the birthday bicycle, etc.

This is how I love Sarah and show it:  acts of service.  Anyone familiar with the 5 Love Languages will know what I'm talking about.  Sarah's love language, however, is NOT acts of service.  It's quite the opposite.

But as it turned out, Friday ended up being more a reminder of the "art" of love than the practice of it.  That afternoon was rolling around, the cake was done, I was struggling with making the frosting (because I have no idea how to soften butter without melting it), and I was currently lifting, awkwardly, Sarah's new used bike into the garage attic so she wouldn't see it.  That's when the phone rang.  It was Sarah.  With joy and elation in her voice, she announced she was coming home early!

My response should have matched her joy and elation.  It didn't.  My words flat-lined as I expressed how "happy" I was for her.  I threw in a couple grunts to hint I was on a ladder and in the middle of something important.  I essentially explained to Sarah her early arrival would significantly disrupt my plans for the day and that I wasn't as happy as I said I was.

This is not what a guy loving his wife should say to convey his love for her; and it's certainly not what any stressed-out wife about to celebrate her birthday wants to hear in response to her good news and offer to spend some unanticipated time together.

Ultimately, while I was busy breaking my back to lavish extravagant signs of love onto my wife for her birthday, I totally rejected my greatest opportunity to share love with her the way it meant the most to her.  Instead I stubbornly insisted her timing was getting in the way of my gift.

Love is trickier than we imagine sometimes.  It's a good practice for Sarah to learn to recognize my languages of love.  But it's also crucial we learn to speak not only our own languages, but the language of others.  If we don't, we run the risk of "exhibition love"--practiced merely out of pride and self-gratification rather than for the purpose of building others up.

Toward the end of the Saturday, when the party and the gifts subsided, Sarah and I had a chance to reflect.  I was sorry I didn't stop, share real joy, and spend more time with Sarah the day before.  Sarah apologized for not seeing more clearly my efforts to love her.  It was perhaps the best moment in the whole birthday extravaganza--the time we spent reflecting, laughing, and learning.


Here's to love--and how tricky it can be sometimes!


More to come!



Jason <><