The Failing 50s!

A few years ago, as an engaged couple Sarah and I visited my good cousin of mine, a retired Naval officer, who lives outside of D.C.  We went to church with him while we were there, which was a treat.  Of course, after the service, we headed to the doughnut and coffee line where we were greeted by a very friendly man.  Even IF I was a pastor and currently serving a church, we were still a little nervous to be the targeted guests at another church.

The man who approached us quickly learned about our connection to his church and about our upcoming wedding plans.  Then he began his wedding advice.  Sarah and I braced.  I counsel couples as part of my role.  I already knew all the good things to pass on to others before they get married.  Sarah was anxious about him saying something that would conflict with our values.

Then he said these words of advice that have rung so true and wise for us during these last couple of weeks before the move:  "Look.  Forget what they say about making things 50/50, about you each carrying equal weight in your marriage..."  We thought he was going to remind us that I, as the husband, was to be the head of our household.  We embrace that completely now, but at the time, it was still something we were wrestling to get our hearts around.  Instead, he continued as such:  "Instead, you each give it 100/100.  EVERY DAY.  That's what a marriage takes.  You don't count your efforts and make sure they match or exceed the other's.  You give it your all.  And when your 100% turns out to be much less than the other's 100%, it still works.  You'll both be pouring all you are into things, but when you fall short, the other person's 100% will cover yours."

It's simple, but brilliant advice.  And it's true.  This last week before our Saturday move, Sarah trudged through her midterms, which were nothing but exhausting.  Things at church also have a way of getting intense as we approach Easter and a new building project.  But as it went, Sarah's 100% was to get through her week the best she could.  My 100% was to stay engaged with the church, but it also included managing most of the final move process:  closing documents & arrangements, address & utility changes, packing, cleaning, & cooking, etc.

If we were stacking our 50/50s next to each other, conflict surely would have arisen.   But when we stacked up our 100/100s, knowing we were both giving it our all, we simply realized how much we love and care for each other, and how much God is willing to be present with us to give us exactly what we need--nothing more, nothing less.  There was no shame, no guilt, no resentment between us.  Just pouring all we had into this thing we call our life and family.

Now it's Monday, and I'm at the church once again.  But Sarah is on spring break--free to tackle all the lingering projects and unpacked boxes.  Her 100% is going to be huge for us this week.  And I'll give my 100% as well.  It won't have nearly the same affect as Sarah's but there's no shame, no guilt, no resentment.  And God is good.


More to come!

Jason <><