The Art of Inadequacy

Workaholics, overachievers, and narcissists have a least one commonality between each of them.  Not only do we wish to do and be it all, we sincerely believe we can and are.

I sit in on the Vital Christianity and Covenant classes at Horizons and thoroughly enjoy the conversations, learning, and new relationships that form.  Part of our time together is spent taking a Spiritual Gift inventory.  Although I had already taken it in the Spring VCC, I decided to give it a second try.  It blew my mind and heart.  Last spring I found myself breezing through the questions responding with 4s and 5s (which are high or highest) to most things.  Full of ego and confidence I said to myself of course you're good at most of these things.  You're a pastor, and good pastors are uncharacteristically good at most things...  But it was a little embarrassing later in the class filling in my gifts chart graph and mostly just coloring in a black box.  To a degree, because nothing stood out in contrast to the rest, it still looked like I really didn't have any heightened gifts.

So this time, I chose a new approach.  Honesty.  I forced myself to be realistic and put 1s or 0s by those activities that challenged or didn't fit me.  I was far more conservative with my 4s and 5s as well.  I was terrified as I went through the assessment.  What will people think if they know I'm not really gifted in that?  Shouldn't every pastor have a gift and a heart for that?...  It was also life-giving.  For the first time, I saw the difference between what God had given me in gifts and what God had not.  I caught a glimpse of how God very specifically had certain things in mind for my life--that I wasn't just some willy-nilly random mix of abilities for whatever.  Instead, I was given a unique mix of strengths and weaknesses that shape the entire character of my life and future.  It was a cool moment with God and His Spirit, where I could more clearly see into the depths of what He is doing in my life.

While I was once terrified of being anything less than everything, I'm starting to see the power of inadequacy.  A couple weeks ago I had the chance to be around some pastors leading congregations of 7-12,000 in attendance.  It was astonishing to see each of them pronounce their weaknesses and inadequacies and encourage us not to do it all, but continue to build teams of people who have gifts we don't.  It was brilliant.  God was bringing it all together.





So now, I simply need to live in to my inadequacies and love them.  They'll lead me into a better insight of who God is and give me a chance to see the strengths in others thrive.  Can't wait!


More to come!

Jason <><