Master of Joyful Critique

As Sarah and I prepared for our wedding, we noticed a particular pattern emerge that we laugh about now, but that challenged us quite a bit at the time.  Sarah would share a grand idea for the day with excitement and energy, and I would respond with the details that would need to be considered, that would usually lead us to conclude the idea wouldn't go.  Sarah would remind me she wished I would just be excited for once, and I would reminder her my role was to do the critical thinking that would keep us safe.  We understood this, but it wasn't working.

We jump ahead (almost) a few years later now, to the "buying our first home together" event.  Once again, Sarah shares her excitement and dreams about the home we both have agreed is our top choice, and once again, I respond with details to consider and reminders of reality.  And once again, my poor wife reminds me, "I know the details, but I'm excited.  Can you be excited with me?"  After hearing this on a few different occasions, I realized I needed to make a crucial change.

I come from a family of critical, grounded, and careful planners and thinkers.  As a rule in my family, our excitement for something needed to be equally matched by a list of cautionary points and reality checks.  That's how we knew we were moving forward in a wise, un-impulsive manner.  In general, this has served me very well in my personal, professional, and faithful life.  I recommend the practice to anyone who seems to have big ideas, but often ends up in messes instead.  

BUT, the practice of always offering overly-careful critiques and the need to minimize risk at all points can be equally as damaging as being too frivolous.  It runs the risk of killing the Spirit and minimizing God's blessing to a mere equation of risk and probabilities.  

I have most clearly learned this in the last week as we consulted our families for their thoughts on the house our hearts have locked onto.  Their opinions are crucial to us.  As our families came to see the house, we received mixed reviews:  some loved it, and others reported notes of caution and details on potential concerns.  We looked into the concerns and resolved nearly all of them.  Yet, the opinions of caution hadn't changed much, and they were weighing heavily on our decisions.  It was at that point I found myself uttering these words, "The details check out.  It would be nice if everyone could just be excited about this."  

Then it clicked.  I heard myself saying about others the very thing Sarah had been saying to me.  It's good to be critical and ask the tough questions.  It's good to dig into a decision with a keen eye.  But living in that world entirely will kill both the human and the Holy Spirit.  I was doing just that!  Contrarily, if we live solely by the book, we need to find the life of whimsy and welcome it.  If we live solely by the moment, we need to find the life of discernment and welcome it.

So now that Sarah and I both know the details of what we're up against with the house we like, I have learned the delicate art and joy of just dreaming and imagining.  It's wonderful.  I don't have to worry about the costs of things or the actual plausibility; nor do I even have to worry about things we talk about ever coming into reality.  We'll figure those things out as we go, as the Spirit leads.  

Until then, we'll dream; and it's wonderful!

More to come!

Jason <><